shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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