my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
