I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
