um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
