I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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