hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
