I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
