I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
