My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
