not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just tell him i said nine months
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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