I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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