My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
