Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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