Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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