I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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