I need to stop coming to work sober
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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