i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
