he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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