I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
