Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
