so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
