Dual....:-)
literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
