Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We left the knife in your bed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
