Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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