I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
