You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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