I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
