Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize