I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
