U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
