I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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