Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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