hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
