go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
