Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
