I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
