I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
