i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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