She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
