i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
