he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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