You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
