she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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