the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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