I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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