I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
