I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
