I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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