Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
