She said her name was "party"
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
