Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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