Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
