listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
