My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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