Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
