the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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