i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize