I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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