I cockslap morals
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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