Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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