So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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