I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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