so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
