Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
