Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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