Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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