I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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