watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
