thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
