toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
