i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think your dad took our porno
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
