Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
