Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
