Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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