I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
