oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
