I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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