you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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