threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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