Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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