Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
